Editorial Reviews. About the Author. Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D., is the bestselling author of Dinosaur Brains, Neanderthals at Work, and Sacred Bull. He is a. I have already posted a review of the original version of "Emotional Vampires" that has helped at least one person in their downloading decision. Now, with regard. Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry Vegas Vampires 03 - Bled Dry · Read more Doctor Who: Emotional Chemistry · Read more.
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Emotional Vampires. Uploaded by Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd . Part 2 The Histrionic Types: Show Business Vampire Style 4. When encountering energy vampires, see what you can learn too. It's your with a vampire can attest to experiencing some common emotional side effects. Download PDF Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition (NTC Self-Help) Ebook.
They need constant attention. They always have some crisis or major life event. All emotional vampires suffer from low self-esteem, but not all people with low self-esteem are emotional vampires. Low self-esteem comes in a number of flavors and manifests itself differently from person to person, and emotional vampires are people with a specific subset of self-esteem issues.
People who are familiar with Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden will recognize that these are three of the six pillars — or rather, a lack of three of the pillars. This is a dangerous combination for two reasons: 1 these three traits reinforce one another and make each other stronger, and 2 they can often suck in and hurt otherwise good people around them. They can be some of the most charming and successful people you meet. Men, women, beautiful, ugly, rich, poor, they come in many shapes and sizes.
But they always create toxic relationships , both as romantic partners and as friends. Often these delusions of grandeur and victimization happen back-to-back within the same conversation.
Either way, it only takes an hour of conversation with an emotional vampire before one is inspired to slam their forehead against a hard surface repeatedly. Make the noise stop. Please, make it stop. Emotional vampires are also apt to make grand public displays in order to garner attention.
Again, these can be both self-serving or self-loathing. Think that annoying guy in the office who stands up and makes an inappropriate announcement just to get a few laughs. Or the girl at the party, who, when made fun of, throws a screaming fit and runs out of the room crying. The excessive need for validation and attention is what pushes people away from the emotional vampire in the beginning.
The Belief that Their Problems Are Not Their Fault: The excessive needy behavior of emotional vampires elicits negative reactions from others and drives people away from them. This combination of behaviors is insidious. The excessive need for validation leads to anti-social behavior, which leads to negative reactions from others, which leads the emotional vampire to blame others and feel even more victimized, which then leads to an even deeper need for validation, and then even more anti-social behavior, and so on… The ability of an emotional vampire to rationalize his or her anti-social behavior can be mesmerizing.
It goes way beyond simply projecting negative qualities onto others i. There is only one type of person who will let themselves get close to an emotional vampire: other low self-esteem individuals.
Lack of Self-Awareness: One would think that an emotional vampire would eventually begin to detect the pattern in which they live — certain behaviors lead to certain reactions from others, these reactions are not pleasant so perhaps we should re-examine our behaviors and beliefs, that the only constant in all of your relationships is yourself, and if all of your relationships suck or are fucking up , then maybe you should start with the one thing they all have in common.
This would seem obvious, but it rarely occurs to the emotional vampire. They are not capable of being honest with themselves and accepting responsibility for their lives. Emotional vampires often hate to be alone. The reason is that they need to distract themselves from, well… themselves. This lack of awareness keeps their blame game going.
The blame game keeps the search for validation and attention going. And the search for external validation and attention keeps the lack of self-awareness going. One big shit spiral. Everyone you meet is your mirror. And you can change things. Starting now. Ask yourself: what can you control? You can control your conduct at work. So start there. You can control your productivity. You can control how well you dress when you go out. Start there. And if you fail because of something or someone else, ignore it.
You like them; you trust them; you expect more from them than you do from other people. You expect more, you get less, and in the end you get taken. Even then, you wonder—is it them or is it me? Emotional vampires. Do you know them? Have you experienced their dark power in your life? Have you met people who seemed so perfect at first, but later turned out to be a perfect mess?
Have you been blinded by brilliant bursts of charm that switched on and off like a cheap neon sign? Have you heard promises whispered in the night that were forgotten before dawn? Have you been drained dry? When people are driving themselves crazy, they have neuroses or psychoses.
When they drive other people crazy, they have personality disorders. The author considers the five that are most likely to cause people trouble in their daily life: Antisocial, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Obsessive-Compulsive, and Paranoid.
He chose these five because they occur most frequently in the population, and, more often than the others, they may be present to a subclinical degree.
The main reason he chose these five is that each of the types discussed in the book, although pathological and draining, also has characteristics that people find very attractive. Over the course of more than 40 years as a psychologist and business consultant, He has seen that these five disorders consistently cause the most trouble for the most people, at home, at work, and everywhere in between.
Emotional vampires never grow up. Throughout their lives, they see themselves as victims of fate and the unpredictability of others. Emotional vampires take. They believe that whatever they want should be given to them immediately, regardless of how anyone else might feel about it. Social creatures trust each other to follow basic social rules, and emotional vampires betray that trust.
The universe is a cold and empty place when there is nothing in it bigger than your own need. Emotional vampires see themselves as the innocent victims of forces beyond their control.
Emotional vampires are not intrinsically evil, but their immaturity allows them to operate without thinking about whether their actions are good or bad. They see other people as potential sources for whatever they happen to need at the moment, not as separate human beings with needs and feelings of their own.
The purpose of this book is not to consider the morality of emotional vampires, but to show how to spot them in your life and give you some ideas about what to do when you find yourself under attack by the forces of darkness. Many of their most outrageous actions would make perfect sense if they were done by a two-year-old. Even people with small traces of personality disorders can show the same pattern of being alluring, draining, and fiendishly difficult to understand.
It does kind of make you pay attention, and helps you think of these people as something more than everyday annoyances. Emotional vampires will use you to meet whatever needs they happen to be experiencing at the moment. They have no qualms about taking your effort, your money, your love, your attention, your admiration, your body, or your soul to meet their insatiable cravings.
They are not thinking about you at all. If you get angry at them because you think they are deliberately trying to hurt you, your misunderstanding will make you even more vulnerable.
They will see themselves as victims of your attack. Then you will become the target. Vampires can't see themselves in a mirror. Emotional vampires have no insight. Emotional vampires are far more comfortable with their own immaturity than you are with yours. Also, they have absolutely no shame. They can explode into all sorts of emotional outbursts whose only purpose is to get you to give in. Every type of vampire has its own favorite kinds of tantrums. They yell, they cry, they pout, they lecture, they give you the cold shoulder, or they induce guilt even more skillfully than your mother.
Remember, vampires thrive on confusion and misunderstanding. How could you be so stupid? The answer is the same as for everyone else who has been drawn in and drained by an emotional vampire. You were hypnotized. Honest people are more damaged by lies than they need to be because they have little or no experience with lying themselves.
They make one huge mistake that clouds their minds and often breaks their hearts: they believe that doing something wrong means the same thing to an emotional vampire as it does to them. They can fake it, but they have a hard time feeling it. These vampires love parties.
They hate boredom worse than a stake through the heart. All they want out of life is a good time, a little action, and immediate gratification of their every desire.
Of all the vampires, Antisocials are the sexiest, the most exciting, and the most fun to be around. People take to them easily and quickly, and just as quickly get taken. Ah, but those moments! Looking good is their specialty.
Everything else is an unimportant detail. Histrionics have what it takes to get hired into your business or your life, but be careful. Histrionic means dramatic. What you see is all a show, and definitely not what you get. They believe that they never do anything unacceptable, like making mistakes or having bad thoughts about anyone. What Narcissistic vampires want is to live out their grandiose fantasies of being the smartest, most talented, and all-around best people in the world.
Narcissists are legends in their own minds. Narcissists present a difficult dilemma. Although there is plenty of narcissism without greatness, there is no greatness without narcissism. Narcissists need to win.